The thought of organizing my early life in a story that follows a straight line from beginning to end, just isn't me. Skipping around is more my style and I find it easier to write when I just go with whatever memory pops in my head instead of trudging through a what comes next storyline. So here I go jumping from my first memory at age 3 to another false alarm that happened while I was in high school.
Sometime during Jr. High School or Middle School depending on what
part of the country you live in, I knew school and I weren't meant for each
other. I frequently skipped school, cut classes and stayed high most of
the time. When I reached high school (appropriately named) I rarely
attended classes. I might go to school, but my days consisted of sitting
in the smoking lounges provided for students who smoked. I "smoked" or did
whatever I felt like doing, but going to class was rarely on my
One day after Christmas vacation, I had a terminal case of
the munchies. Cafeteria food was pretty disgusting even to someone
with the munchies, so I decided to hike down the street to the golden
arches. After going to my locker to get my coat, I figured going out
the front entrance of the school would give me the best chance of not
being stopped upon leaving. Just as I was about to leave, the fire
alarms went off in the school. Immediately, about 2000 bitching kids emptied
outside. It was the dead of winter and very cold, but there we all stood in front of Bangor High School.
The bitch fest about being outside in the cold grew pretty loud
until little by little it quieted to complete silence. When I
realized why everyone had gotten silent, I felt a hand on my arm. The
principal said, "Come with me!" Out of 2000 people, I was
the only one wearing a coat.
I tried explaining I was just cutting school to go get something to
eat and didn't have anything to do with the false alarm, but the principal
didn't seem interested in hearing my story. He poked me in the records
room and told me he'd be back in a few minutes to deal with me. I had been instructed to sit in a chair at the large rectangular table in the center of the room. File cabinets holding all the students' school records lined the perimeter of the room. I was
pretty pissed off and decided this would be a perfect opportunity to get
even. I opened a random file cabinet, grabbed some
files and then went to the window. After opening the window,
I liberated the records by tossing them outside into the snow. I
repeated this until the file cabinets were empty. I shut the window and
sat patiently in the chair waiting for the principal to return.
Once in his office, I didn't get much of an opportunity to
speak. He suspended me from school, yet told me I had to finish out the day
and return the next morning with my parents. WTF? No time off???
I marched out of his office and straight back to the smoking room where I
remained for the rest of the day. At the end of the day, when I was
leaving school I walked by his office and noticed no one was in
there. I slipped in and out quickly leaving him a present.
As I walked out of the building, I had a smile on my
face. I knew how rattled he'd be when he returned to his office
and sat down at his desk to see a joint staring at him.
Of course the next day, I was questioned about the school
records and the principal's present. What school records? No witnesses, no
proof...so what if they had put me in that room! I bet they wouldn't make
that mistake again. And as for alleged drug abuse, I certainly wouldn't
waste a joint on a straight person...that is if I did drugs! I often
wondered if they recovered all the record or how many the wind scattered into
no man's land. Unfortunately mine stayed intact and contains my colorful
history of being oppositionally defiant. I know that principal was
glad the next month when I overdosed on barbiturates. I was taken to the ER
and never returned to school after that. False alarm? I don't think so! I just
don't think anyone was really paying attention or knew where the real fire was!